How About a Do-Over?

I still think we got it wrong.

Marriage licenses should cost more. In addition to blood tests, there should be an IQ test plus a pre-nuptial contract. Applicants should also be required to open a joint savings account.

1) License fees should be equal to normed legal fees for filing a divorce.

2) Blood test should include all the routine checks: AIDS, HIV, STD's, sugar level, cholesterol and drugs should be administered and provided to each party no less than 24-hours before the blessed event.

3) Something equivalent to the MMPI should be administered no less than two (2) weeks before the blessed event.

4) A pre-nuptial contract -- clarifying what each party brings into the marriage and how post-nuptial earnings and property will be divided should also be drawn by mutual consent no less than ten (10) days before the blessed event.

5) A joint savings account equal to two one-hour legal consultations [renewable every seven (7) years to deter "Seven Year Itch" infestations] should be established no less than thirty (30) days before the blessed event.

6) Each individual participating in unofficial coupling and/or common-law marriage arrangements lasting up to fourteen (14) days (cumulative) should be annually assessed a prorated DOMESTICATION TAX, equal to the cost of a license fee for each unofficial coupling or common-law living arrangement.

Children produced by such coupling shall receive a monetary award equal to an amortized charge for savings that would have accrued if parents had entered a legal marriage. (See item #5).

EXCEPTION: individuals concurrently covered by items #1-5. Such individuals shall forfeit all rights to the pre-nuptial agreement and/or remunerations from the benefits of the legal marriage.

7) Divorce expenses, when and where applicable, should include filing fees and court costs. Legal fees incurred for consultation, arbitration and/or settlements not covered in item #4 shall be the responsibility of the aggrieved parties.

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Of course, this will never happen, but that doesn't mean we AREN'T due for a do-over.